Chapter 3: Not So Picture Perfect

 (Scrapbook pictures)

It's funny how fast things change. One moment we're laughing, enjoying the day. Dancing, kissing, playing with the kids. The next, you're jumping down my throat, or Willows sick and I have to make sure she had the best care. Or I'm in labor. Like I was that day.

Miracle was born on a Wednesday, I remember because I was asking what day it was because I was so out of it. I was screaming from the pain,  something was wrong. It had to be. There was no reason in the world it felt like this. I knew it was supposed to hurt but why couldn't I breath? Why was my vision blurring and why in the world was I bleeding from my mouth? I was sweating, which was a given but I hadn't even had my water broken yet. I repeat, something was WRONG. As in, not right. 

"Isaiah, I'm scared...I..." I don't remember anything after that.

I remember waking up and Isaiah being there next to me, crying. Was I dead? Of course not, I was way too freaking cold to be dead. Maybe he was just worried? Of course. I sat up as I watched him go over to our sons crib. Baby Miracle is what Isaiah said I named him. Because he was a Miracle. I had a staph infection, which is why I went into an early labor and why I had such a bad time in the hospital. I'd been out for weeks. I missed Willows third birthday, and the baby was a month old just about. They said I wouldn't have made it, but I seemed determined to live. I looked to Zay. 

"Babe..." I said with a dry throat and a cough. 

"Inspiration?" he said, eyes lighting up. 

"Don't get up."

"I want to see him. I need to." I stood too look at my one month old bundle of joy.

 His skin looked burned to a crisp. "Wh-what happened to him?" I asked with tear in my tired eyes. For someone to be sleeping for over a month, I sure was tired.

"He had a bad reaction to the medication given to you for the staph infection. He nearly died. Thanks to you. Anyway, they said it'd clear up in the next four to six weeks now."

"How is this my fault?"

"You got sick..."

"I know that, dingbat. Why are you blaming me?"

"Because you're the one who got the infection."

"I didn't kn-"

"Okay, well he can go home today, so we're leaving. See you at home. Willows fine, so don't ask."

I was confused. Deeply confused. I got to go home a week later. It was seriously argument after argument as soon as I got back. Was he getting deeper into those drugs? 

A year had passed, and my little Miracle was getting big! And cuter by the minute. So was his sister. I had the most beautiful kids in Twinbrook hands down. 

Anyway, my hair grew, and my eyes, they can't explain it but they turned a baby blue. Perhaps the meds? Maybe. I was still getting over the sickness, and Isaiah he'd begun to lay his hand on me. Little shoves here and there, maybe pushing me into the wall. I was scared of him. I don't know why he treated me like this. 

 I'd finished my breakfast for the morning and just gotten up to clean a little around the house because it was beginning to look really dirty. Something had to be done.  So I took the liberty of cleaning, because that's what moms do. Even though I was dog tired of chasing a four year old and a one year old around the house all day and taking meds that make you look and feel like a zombie.

"Inspiration! What the hell is this! Why are there dishes everywhere? I told you to get them up earlier!"

"I had to make sure the kids were OK first, Zay."

"Did I ask you that?"

"N-no..."

"Then shut up!"

Well, I didn't get the chance to do much cleaning because Isaiah scared the living daylights out of me. I began to wheeze.

"Stop that damn wheezing, I told you to SHUT UP!"

 That was when he finally struck me. In my face, it felt like my nose had been crushed. "Isai..."

"Inspiration. Shut up! I'm telling you this because I'm not trying to hurt you. SHUSH."

"I-I'm....I'm sorry, I didn't know you were so mad...I..." I began to sob. He'd hurt me, he promised to never hurt me. He was hurting me, and it was really hurting me bad.

 "I keep telling you to shut your mouth, Inspiration. I keep telling you, why aren't you listening to me?"

This became and everyday thing. Every single freaking day. When did the misery end?

 I was seriously getting fed up with him and his hitting me. The kids were scared, and I wasn't going to let him hurt them too. I wasn't going to let them see me get hurt. I wasn't going to let them think it was OK. I was a mother, meaning I was a protector. Mamma bear was ready, and she wasn't taking anymore.

 "You're not doing this anymore!" I said as I pounced on him. I tore him to shreds, I don't remember much because I blacked out but I knew he lost by the way I heard him scream for mercy at the end. What had gotten into me? I think I was tired of the pain, and I took all that pain in me, and gave it to him all at once. All of it.

 I was beaten and bloody, but dangonit, I wasn't taking anymore! I refused to be hurt again.

 I brushed myself off and went to clean myself. I had a nasty bruise, but it was okay, because  I knew that bruise was the last one I would get. Ever again from him or any man. I'd gotten dressed and went to go retrieve my children from their bedroom so that we could go to Llama-E-Grain for some fun.

He was right there, waiting. 

"Give him to me."

"No."

There was always something...

Chapter 2 : Picture Perfect

 Well, it was all certain that I was expecting a little bundle of joy. Whether it be a bouncing boy or a gurgling girl, I didn't care. So long as he or she came to me alive and well. I couldn't wait to tell Isaiah. He was a little weird lately, maybe he was discouraged? He was coming home late, leaving early, and he always looked so tired, strung out, and drunk.  I'd turn that frown upside down. I knew it for sure!

 One thing that made me absolutely love him and swoon over him was the way he was with Willow, the way he held her and talked to her. The way he played with her, he was just going to be the most amazing father, not only to my child to be, but Willow. He was already an amazing father to her. He would always come right home from work, wash his hands and pick her up. Then he'd make her guess how much he loved her. Then they'd argue who loved one another more. But then they would start to whisper, and I'd never hear the last part. They'd even do it when he woke up.

 "Willy, guess how much I love you!?"

"Uhm, Willow doesn't know. A lot?"

"Of course a lot, silly. How much, like simoleons."

"One moleon!"

"Way higher, think the biggest number, times the biggest number again."

"That's lots daddy, but Willow loves you more than that!"

"Impossible."

"Nuh uh. Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"How much does daddy love mommy?" she would whisper.

"More than life itself."

That's the part I could never hear.

 Before I started breakfast, I stopped Isaiah in the hall. "Feel my stomach."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

"Whoa!"

"You felt it?"

"Yes, so does this mean...?"

"Mhm, we're gonna have a baby!"

He put his hands on my stomach again, and I saw the excitement in his eyes, like when he's with Willow. He was happy, and I missed that look in his eye, the hope and the love. It was always masked with pain, and stress. This gave me hope.

 A little while later, I saw him watching me. He looked content, but the bags under his eyes seemed to be getting darker, and bigger. What was going on with him? He'd disappear for about twenty minutes, and then look like this when he came back. Watching silently, as if he was lost in thought, but there was a dazed look about him. "Hunny?"

"Hmm?"

"You alright?"

"Yeah."

 I burned breakfast, it was the first time a few months after I announced the pregnancy, and hopefully the last because it was absolutely awful. It was like chewing ash. My dazed husband seemed to hate it just the same, but he ate it anyway. 

"Want some cereal instead?"

"Nah."

Must've been hungry. I threw mine away I had a bowl of cereal instead. It seemed a like a little while later, the taste of my burned waffles set Isaiah off.

 "So you can go ahead and eat soup and leave me with the nasty , burned waffles!?"

 "It was cereal...I offered, you declined." I said calmly, I'd never seen him like this.

"Cereal, soup, whatever! I don't care what it was, how do you expect me to function all day with that disgusting taste in my mouth? Hmm?"

"Brush your teeth, Isaiah. Chill out and go get ready for work."

"I'm getting sick of your fat ass, prancing around like you own the place. I will get dressed when I damn well please!"

 "Fat? I'm PREGNANT, Isaiah. What do you expect? Pregnant people get fat. We have the baby, and we work off the extra fat. What do you want me to do? Hmm, get rid of it?"

"Do what the hell you want, I don't want to hear it!"

"Get out! Don't come back until you figure out what you want, I'm keeping this baby!"

 "I swear, if you weren't carrying my child right now Inspiration. I would smack the dog crap out of you."

That sent me in a fit of tears and backed away from him. 

"But you said you never hurt me." That's when I looked up to him with my gorgeous green eyes. At least that's what he called them.

His face softened.

"Inspiration, goodness hun, I'm sorry...I don't know what came over me. I just needed to let go of some of that pent up anger. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I-I won't do it again. I'm sorry baby."

 "Promise?" Goodness, I was really a sucker for him.

"Pinky."

 "Why was daddy yelling at mommy?" Willow asked me about an hour later. 

"Because he's tired...Nothing to worry about."

"Is him gonna yell at Willow?"

"Of course not honey, Daddy would never hurt Willow."

"Well why he hurt mommy?"

"He didn't, hun. He didn't." I lied.

 A month later, we decided to remodel the kids room, One side blue and the other purple. The walls were striped. We made sure that the one side was unisex because we didn't know what we were having. I wanted it to be a surprise. It was more fun that way. I didn't like the way the picture I painted looked on the way so I was fussing at the home designer to straighten it. I knew she was sick of me. I was sick of me.

 I was satisfied with the room, and I knew Willow loved it, but while I was admiring it, a sharp pain kicked it. And it kept happening. I let it pass as gas.

 When the gas didn't happen, I got worried and began to panic because the pain was getting worse. I was begging that it wasn't a miscarriage. I was literally praying to the heavens above that I didn't lose this child.

 Early Labor Signs: Sharp abdominal pain.

There we go, I wasn't losing my baby, I was having him or her. I was having it! I called hubby home early from work, and he rushed right in. Something still wasn't right, I didn't feel right.

Isaiah finally had gotten home. Called a babysitter and we were off to the hospital. To hopefully deliver a healthy, happy baby.

Chapter 1 : The Start of Something New

I arrived at the house, the scariest, most terrifying moment of my life. I had just finished my dramatic cry because of how terribly I missed my family, even though they just dropped me off and left. It still hurt. I found a job here in Twinbrook, as a stylist. I'd gone to school for it and it just seemed I couldn't find a job close to home. Not even in Bridgeport. I would have much rathered live there than here. Mother couldn't be more than ecstatic about it, she knew for sure I'd find the perfect husband here and start a family. I couldn't be less thrilled. I wanted to live a little, go party every night, get wasted. Have a little fun. Looks like that wasn't going to happen. 

 My first day of work was pretty chill and I was pretty surprised that my uniform wasn't bad. I thought since I was new they'd make me dress like a complete idiot but I actually loved my outfit! It was adorable, and non-medicated glasses were actually fun to wear. They made me look smart. The hairstyle they wanted me in was a struggle though, I don't like the braided crown look. It's old-fashioned. I sent mother a picture, she loved it. Figures. Well the next day I was walking to the police station to get my finger prints done, and I spotted this guy, he had on a shirt with that cute death face people use on the internet. He was reading a book. I thought it was cute, reading outside of a police station. For no reason. It was adorable to me. Don't ask, I need help...

Anywho, on my way out of the station, he spoke to me. 

 "Uhm, hi...My names Isaiah, I know this is cheesy but I saw you walking in a little while ago and I had to wait out here for you. You're absolutely gorgeous."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm not interested." Go me!

"It's fine, I just had to say something I couldn't resist such a beautiful woman as yourself." He was flattering but I wasn't getting involved my first two days in the neighborhood.

"Thank you, Isaiah." Or was I because I was blushing pretty hard.

Needless to say, he got my name and number and we had a date. Oh dear, I had a serious weakness for men.

 The date was so fun, I dressed casually in something I'd wear every day, just going out as friends. He dressed casually as well. I was pretty shy the whole time, but something in him brought out my normal silly side, and I felt good for once living here. He seemed to really be digging me, and I was diggin' him pretty hard myself. He was just so sweet, and casual. I really liked him. He dropped me off at home afterward. 

 "You know, Inspiration...I really like you, and I'd really like to continue seeing you."

 "So would I, I really like you, Isaiah." What was getting into me? I was getting weak!

 His sweet talk go the best of me, I couldn't resist. His lips were calling me, but why in the world was I kissing him! Mother would be pleased, but seriously. I was really becoming a softy!

 "Sorry, I...I just..."

"It's okay, beautiful, It's fine. Relax lady-love." he teased.

 "Relax, I will NEVER hurt you, Inspiration. I love you. I know it sounds crazy, but I do. Since the first time I laid eyes on you. I loved you since that moment. I knew you'd be my next target...I mean, I knew you'd be mine..."

What the hell did he mean by target?

 "I love you, trust me...I'll never hurt you. Ever. I don't make promises if I'm not sure."

"O..Okay..."

Weeks passed, and so did months and we were really hitting it off. Lunch dates, dinner, kisses. Love like he said, and he was making me so happy. He was a beautiful man and his strong embrace made me feel so safe. He was really the best thing that had ever happened to me. Even at home I wasn't this happen. I'd been hit with the Love Jones. 

A few months later, I proposed. Mother thought it would be cute if I did it, because it wasn't really custom. So I did, and he accepted, and about three weeks later we'd run to city hall and got married. That night we tried for our first child. After a while we found out that it would be hard for me to conceive.

 That's when we adopted Willow, the sweetest little butterfly to ever touch my heart, other than her father. She was so beautiful and she was perfect. From head to toe, I loved that child more than I loved life itself.

"I'm just saying, maybe we should try again?" 

"No, Isaiah, I don't want to get my hopes up again just to get them shot down again. I can't do this anymore." 

"Can we please? PLEASE?"

"No, It's my body. NO."

"Fine..."

"We have a beautiful baby now, why try?"

"She's not technically our, yeah by law but not by blood."

"I'm not trying again, end of discussion."

We tried again. He just had a way of talking to me, and I couldn't resist him.

"ISAIAH!" I shouted, it had been a few months since we tried and I was so excited because I'd felt something, something like a pocket of gas, but I knew this feeling was a little different. 

Plus I saw a little protrusion of my stomach when the feeling occurred. It was a kick. It had to be.

"What? Are you okay honey?" 

"Mhm, I felt a kick!"

 I was about to be a proud mother of two, beautiful Willow and my little unknown love.

Love that was growing inside of me.